Promise
by mholub00
Summary: He knows there is something wrong the moment the envelope is in his hand. (You promised you'd come home.) (Two Part-er)
1. Part I

**A/N: This just sort of came to me last night and wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it. The words in parentheses are Clint's thoughts.**

** Thanks for reading!**

He knows there is something wrong the moment the envelope is in his hand. The paper is too white. The ink is too black. The SHIELD emblem in the corner, the one that can only be seen if the light hits it exactly right, is much too visible when it shouldn't be. The address is simple, Stark Tower, but no specifics are given as to who should be the recipient of the news inside. He barely registers that he is opening the envelope, staring at it while his hands shake and his heart pounds in his ears.

His stomach drops because he knows, as he slides the paper that is thicker than it should be out of the envelope, which drops to the floor. (_No. This can't be happening_.)

_We regret to inform you..._

And Clint Barton stops breathing. (_No._)

The remainder of the team finds him in the lounge, standing in the middle of the room, eyes staring at nothing and hand outstretched while the paper he had been holding lies forgotten on the floor. (_No. God no_.)

"Earth to Cupid," Tony says, waving his hand in front of Clint's face. "We brought food," he adds when he gets no response.

The letter is picked up by Pepper, her complaint about leaving trash all over the floor lost as she reads it. Her hand flies to her mouth to cover a sob. "Oh my God."

Tony snatches it from her hand and drinks in the words with his curious eyes.

_We regret to inform you that Agent Natasha Romanoff was killed in__Bratislava on the 14th of November, 2012._

Signed by Nick Fury.

Maria Hill's note on the bottom: _I'm so sorry Clint._

He lifts his head slowly and stares at Clint, who remains rooted to the spot. The paper is passed in slow motion to Steve and Bruce reads it over his shoulder until they are all looking at their teammate.

"Is...is he breathing?" Bruce asks quietly.

Steve steps forward. "Clint..." (_It's not true. This is some sort of sick joke_.)

"This isn't funny," his voice is hoarse, the knot in his throat tightening. His eyes focus on each of them briefly before returning to distant and lost and alone. (_It's a joke. It has to be_.) "Stop."

Pepper moves toward him, reaching out to comfort him but he jumps instinctively away from her touch. Tears pour silently down her face. "Clint, I'm so sorry."

(_It's not true. It's not true. No_.) He shakes his head vigorously. "No. Stop. It's not funny."

"Clint..."

"STOP SAYING MY NAME! Where is she?" His voice is full pain, echoing around the room.

Pepper sobs and Tony slides his arm around her. (_They won't stop. Why__won't they stop_?) "She's gone, Barton," Steve furrow his eyebrows at the man.

"No." (_You promised_.) He shakes his head again. The people and the walls are closing in, suffocating him. His breathing speeds up. "No." (_You promised you would come home_.)

They stare down the hallway as he runs from the room.

The car that pulls out of the garage of Stark Tower is met with a chorus of honking and cussing from gruff voices as it speeds off down the street, cutting in front of several lanes of traffic. Two men following, staring at the convertible as it disappears around a corner.

Clint screams her name at the windshield. Each syllable is another piece of his heart breaking apart. (_God no, this isn't supposed to__happen_.)

The tears that pour down his face blur his vision. (_You promised, Tasha._)

He turns a corner too quickly. (_You promised_.)

Out of control.

(_No. You aren't…you can't be_.)

Traffic. (_Tasha_.)

Crashing metal as he rear ends the person in front of him. (_No. Tasha_.)

He gets out of the car, leaves the door open, runs. (_No. No. God no_.)

Angry shouting follows him but he doesn't stop until he reaches an alleys dead end. (_Tasha_.)

The wall catches his jacket as he collapses, strangled breathing and heavy tears. (_You were supposed to come home_.)

When he has lost the strength to scream, her names becomes a forced whisper. (_Please no. Please come home.)_

(_Tasha_.)

(_You promised_.)


	2. Part II

_**Five Months Later:**_

The woman is painting when she hears him behind her, the pain-filled scream and resounding crash causing the brush to fall from her hand. She stands, worried, and heads in the direction of the noise only to find a man, sitting in the sand surrounded by driftwood and nursing bruised and cut up knuckles. He is shaking slightly, staring at the ground in front of him.

"Sir, are you…okay?" She asks hesitantly, tucking a strand of black hair behind her ear.

Clint Barton looks at her with blank eyes for a second before seeming to register he is being asked a question. "This was one of her favorite places," he whispers. She frowns, confused. He stands and, seeming to have shaken the fog, rips off a piece of his shirt and wraps it around his bleeding hand in one swift movement. "I'm fine, thanks." (_You always loved it here, Tasha_.)

He leaves the girl standing amongst the torn up tree trunks, staring after him as he walks down the beach. (_It was the ocean. It made you feel free._)

(_Can you hear it now, the ocean singing? The crashing waves? We danced to it, out in the water.)_

The wind blows and Clint stops walking, pulling his jacket tighter and staring out over the Pacific. (_They tell me you're dead._)

A family with small children runs from the parking lot, laughing. (_It's not true. I see you in the sunset, red curls_. _I hear you laughing in the wind._ _And everywhere smells like that lemon scented shampoo you made Coulson buy just to annoy him._)

He turns when he hears the crying to see the small boy on the ground. His father walks over and lifts him up, calming the tears and talking in his ear.

"I love you Tasha, so much it hurts," Clint whispers to a bird perched on a log nearby.

(_If I had told you that, would you have stayed?_)

(_Would you have said you love me too?_)

Another gust of wind plasters his jacket to his body and he turns back to his original destination, trudging on, slipping over the rocks.

The woman on the beach packs up her painting as the first splatters of rain begin. She watches his coat disappear into the dark. (_I came here looking for you_.)

(_Maybe you would be here, in the peace; your footprints in the sand_.)

Hand over hand, ledge by ledge, he climbs the cliff face. The tide pools below are being bombarded with the growing waves. The wind picks up and the rain drops pelt the rock. But still he climbs. (_They said I was unstable, unable to work. So I disappeared. Flew here for you._)

Clint pulls himself as close to the rocks as he can, sliding the hood over his head and huddling in his large jacket, letting the water soak into his clothes, into his soul. (_You would punch me in the shoulder and tell me I'm pathetic._) "Can you hear them laughing, Tasha? Can you hear them all happy as they live amongst the stars, whole and together? All those other people who have somewhere to go with their lives?"

"I won't ever be happy again, not really." (_Not without you_.) "I miss your eyes. The color and shape and the way they lit up when you smiled. God, I miss that smile."

"I miss you, Tash. So damn much."

(_But I didn't tell you_.)

It isn't the first tear he's shed in the last months and the salt water mixes with the rain. He covers his face with his equally wet hands. The storm rages on around him. (_I didn't tell you, and now you're gone_.)

"You're killing me, Tasha," he whispers into his palms. (_Because I love you_.)

His screams are drowned in the howls of the wind and crashing of the waves. (_And you're gone_.)

When the sun breaks through the clouds, he's still there, curled up on the rocks and shaking, though not from the cold. The brightness of the light hurts his eyes when he lifts his head from his knees.

On the beach, he sees her. (_You're everywhere._)

Red curls swaying as she dances alone.

(_Just as beautiful_.)

Like she did with him, laughing in the waves.

A sad smile plays across his lips as she fades to nothing but rippling water.

"I know you're out there," he says to the sky and the sand and the wind. "And I will find you."

(_Your eyes and smile and scars and sarcasm.)_

(_I love you, Tasha._)

(_And I'll never stop looking._)


End file.
